by Debs (ò‿ó)♪
After the break up of a romantic relationship, people sometimes find themselves looking for ways of making up again with the person they just left. The reasons for this can be confusing because a lot of times, the troubled relationship was deteriorating long before the actual break up happened. Whatever your reasons might be for wanting to get back together, it is usually a good idea to take a step back and give yourself a chance to get a fresh perspective of the situation.
A common theme after a couple parts ways is to consider how every scenario leading up to the separation might have played out differently. Doing this might help you when similar circumstances come up in the future, but dwelling on past mistakes and beating yourself up is actually quite pointless and will only make you feel more depressed. The period after splitting up is a very emotional time for both women and men.
Heightened emotions can make judging where you stand with your former partner even more difficult than it had been previously. It is important to resist the urge to go running back into that emotional minefield too quickly.
Not surprisingly, men and women sometimes handle the confusion after a break up and the desire to make up, from very different perspectives. One partner may crave freedom while the other wants the comfort of having someone “special” to center their life around. The situations will be different for every couple, but when you go hurrying back to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, things seldom play out the way you pictured them in your mind. Both men and women often want to rush into making up without giving themselves the benefit of some time apart.
This may sound silly, but many times when couples come back together too quickly, the same problems that were there before crop up again almost immediately and serve to make the next split even uglier and more difficult to repair.
Assuming that both people in the relationship feel a deep bond with each other, a little bit of time apart should not damage the chances of making up too badly. Sometimes all that is needed is a new way of looking at things. Absence really can make the heart grow fonder to an extent and familiarity truly can breed contempt. Those two cliches exist because they are true so much of the time. People often get so close in a relationship, that they begin to get in the way of each other and take each other for granted. The little things that were once “cute” can become annoying and sometimes partners become more critical of each other than they would ever be of a total stranger. These little things compound and before you know it, they can lead to a big break up that did not have one large central cause. Being apart for a little while can give each person some room to gain a new view of the relationship. Before you can both really want to get back together again, you both have to share some flicker of attraction toward each other. If one person is still feeling hurt or angry, getting back into contact will probably just end up in an argument or hurt feelings at the very least. Not rushing back can sometimes serve to get the other person wondering about what you are doing and thinking about the things they once found attractive about you instead of dwelling on their hurt feelings and the things that annoy them.
If you are reading this article, there is a good chance that you are experiencing the twisted up feelings that are normal after a romantic relationship ends. You may be wondering about how to get over an ex or you might be thinking about making up. Both of these are normal reactions. Try giving yourself a bit of space to get your bearings before making any major moves. You must resist the urge to begin sending emails and texts to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Don’t do anything that you may regret later. You won’t save a relationship by hurting the other person. Give yourself a chance to grow independently for a short while. Resist the urge to contact the other person and work through this difficult time by finding something new to do with your time. You should try to make this an enjoyable activity. Try spending some time with friends or family that you may have neglected during your relationship. It is also probably a good idea to try not to rush into any brand new relationships in this vulnerable state. You need to get your feet back under you before making any important decisions. Also, trying to get your ex-girlfriend back by making her jealous or trying to get your ex-boyfriend back by making him feel sorry for you is a recipe for disaster that just stirs up strong feelings of resentment. Both of these strategies can be the absolute kiss of death for any hope of getting back together.
After some time has passed you will both have a fresh perspective on things. You won’t have to work to win back your ex. You may start finding each other mysterious and attractive again. There is even a chance that your former partner might be thinking about how to get back together again with you. At this point you might want to think about checking the situation out and possibly get in contact again, while still playing a little bit hard to get. Taking on the challenge of making up with this approach gives you a chance to start things over and avoid past mistakes. It could also give both of you a deeper appreciation of each other and your relationship. If, when you contact each other again, you find that you are not really attracted anymore, you can move on, knowing that you have grown beyond that part of your life. Whether you reconcile at this point or move on, you will be able to do it with a clear view of the situation and a lot less regrets in the long run.
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